RESEARCH NOTE
Do Parents and Kids Agree That Family Time Brings Them Closer?
Often they do not. When studies ask a parent and a child from the same family, the two can give different pictures of the same time together.
Who filled in the form
Most of what is known about family play comes from questionnaires. One person answers for the family, and that person is usually a parent.
A 2017 review of the main body of this research says who those parents were: "The entirety of the parent data collected in this framework has been predominantly female (parent data sets ranging from 65–95% female)" (Leisure Sciences, 2017). So a good share of the evidence is mothers describing their families.
A few studies asked a child as well. Those are the ones that can answer this question.
The study where parents and children split
In 179 families, one parent and one child each filled in the same questionnaires about family leisure and satisfaction with family life (Journal of Leisure Research, 2003).
The authors reported that "family leisure involvement was the strongest multivariate predictor of family satisfaction from the parent perspective, but was not a significant multivariate predictor from the child's perspective".
The numbers show the gap. The study measured how much of the difference in family satisfaction the leisure answers could account for, on top of background facts.
- For parents, family leisure added 8.3 points. That passed the usual test for a real result.
- For the children, it added 1.6 points. That did not pass the test, so it could be chance.
The parent saw a link. The child, in the same home, did not.
During the activity itself
Another study did not rely on memory. Mothers, fathers and young adolescents in 55 families were paged at random times for one week and asked how they felt right then (Journal of Leisure Research, 1997).
Two findings, in the authors' words:
- "Mothers reported less positive affect than fathers."
- "Adolescents experienced lower intrinsic motivation and less positive affect than parents during family leisure."
Positive affect means good mood. Intrinsic motivation means wanting to do the thing for its own sake. In the detailed results, the adolescents' average motivation was below zero in four of the five family leisure activities.
This is a small study. It covers 55 European American families over one week in the 1990s. What it shows is that one shared activity can feel different to each person in it.
Daughters and sons
A study of 70 urban Turkish families found that family leisure helped explain family satisfaction for parents and for daughters. It did not for sons (Journal of Leisure Research, 2009).
The same study found something that cuts against the saying: "findings indicated that the level of family leisure involvement and enjoyment in general was low, and their satisfaction with family life was comparatively high".
Seventy families is a small sample, so the daughter and son split needs to be seen again before anyone leans on it.
Where children do report a link
The split does not show up everywhere. In fairness, several larger studies found the link from the child's side too.
- In 898 US families with a child aged 11 to 15, the amount of family leisure added 9.6 points for the children and 6.3 for the parents. Satisfaction with that leisure added 19.3 points for the children and 28.0 for the parents (Journal of Leisure Research, 2009).
- In five English-speaking countries, with a parent and an adolescent aged 11 to 16 in each family, the authors reported that "findings indicated positive relationships between family leisure and family outcomes were consistent across all five countries" (Leisure Sciences, 2018).
So the honest answer is mixed. Children often report the link. In some samples they report it weakly or not at all, and they tend to enjoy the time less than their parents do.
Who is missing
- Younger children. The children asked in these studies are mostly 11 to 16. We found no study in this body of work with children under 11 as the ones answering. That is the age when most play happens.
- Fathers. Parent answers come mostly from mothers.
- More than one child. Most studies take one child per family.
The 2017 reviewers named the risk themselves: "there may be an implied consensus among these findings that family leisure is an inherently positive and rewarding experience for all family members".
What this does and does not say
- It does not say children get nothing from family time.
- It does not say parents are wrong about their own experience.
- It does say that a parent's view of family time is one view. Where a child was asked, the answer was sometimes different.
- None of these studies shows cause. All but the pager study are surveys taken once.
There is more on what happens when family time is not chosen on our page about forced family fun.
The full picture
This page covers one question. The whole verdict on the saying, with its history and every source, is in our research paper: A family that plays together stays together: is it true?